Letting go....

I'm letting go of this painting...meaning I'm not going to finish it. And as much as it bugs the heck out of me to let it go, I'm doing just that.

Have you ever had to let go? (Don't worry.....I'm going to put this all in perspective.....)

I started this painting Sunday afternoon when I found a small sliver of time to paint. Since I began painting again about 5 months ago, I have been searching for time to fit this creativity that I love dearly into my life, which is no easy task since a I work full time and have a family.

Yesterday I knew I couldn't paint because I had a basketball game to attend after work. I was looking forward to painting today when I got off work, but it's a very busy time of year where I work and I didn't even walk out of there until 6:00 pm tonight. By then it was dark and there was no good light for painting.

And now this painting has been sitting here a couple of days and by this time, the paint is beginning to dry a little and can't be blended easily and worked with.

All this was very frustrating to me....and then I had a little revelation of perspective.

So I had to let go of a painting.

It could be much worse.

I had to let go of a parent to death.

I am letting go of a parent to Alzheimer's.

I let go of my oldest son as he left home and went to college this year.

I have let go of dreams I had that will likely never become reality.

I have let go of my life as I have known it many times to move to totally different places where I know no one.

I am letting go of some things I wish not to discuss on this blog.

I ask you again......Have you ever had to let go?

I don't have answers for what to do when you have to let go of something. Many times it's hard to understand why it's happening to you....like when you lose a parent to death or disease. However, sometimes you let go, like when you leave the familiar to move to the unknown, and you find you make the best of friends that you would never have known otherwise.

I guess it's just a natural part of life. And in light of recent events in our country and this wonderful time of year, I think a little perspective is in order.

So if you find yourself like me at this glorious time of year of the birth of our Savior getting frustrated with things, finding less and less time, having more and more demands and you have to let go of some things, remember to keep it in perspective.

An Evening in Venice

 

 

Evening in Venice

 

16 x 20

oil applied with knife on canvas board

 

Please contact me at bethlendermanfineart@gmail.com if you are interested in this original.

 

 

 

Taking you on a journey of photos as this painting progresses......

 

 

You can see in the above painting but more vibrant below that I'm bringing in some really cool colors in the background buildings.

 

 

Adding some color and interest to the building in the foreground.

 

 



 

Starting to bring in some light from a light source that will be added eventually.

 

 

Added the light and the reflection of light in the water. Looks really cool!

 

Now back to the top for the finished painting. Hope you enjoyed the progress!!

A progression towards Christmas!

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family. I enjoyed the time with mine. I have so much to be thankful for!

 

I created this painting a while back but didn't want to post it until closer to Christmas. It's another progression painting from random strokes of color. Hope you enjoy!

 

I apologize in advance for the lighting on these photographs. They were taken at night with my iPhone, so not the best of quality. If you are interested in the painting, inbox me at bethlendermanfineart@gmail.com and I can send you a better photo. I will also make it available as a print on Fine Art America.

 

 

 

Started with some color. Hmmmm......looks like a fish maybe??

 

 

 

 

What could this possibly turn into?

 

 

 

 

 

It became a horn...which reminds me of Christmas

 and all the beautiful music that is part of this wonderful time of the year.

Abstract

ABSTRACT

12 x 16

oil on canvas board

 

 

I usually enjoy painting with bright, vibrant colors but I wanted to experiment with some more muted tones and I thought back to my childhood when I took oil painting lessons in the 5th grade at the Sherwood, Arkansas Rec Center next to the public library where my mom worked part-time. I knew nothing about painting with a knife back then, so I had my trusty brushes and started off with tried and true colors, some of which I used in this painting: yellow ochre, prussian blue, white, and alizarin crimson.

 

As I began applying the paint, I liked the idea of a calming horizontal. When I placed these colors on the canvas, I turned it a couple of times but I was very pleased with the painting as an abstract.

 

Hope you enjoy it too!

Another Abstract Progression

Began painting with some interesting color combinations......and then sort of chopped up and blended the paint. Turned the painting every angle to see if I could see anything at all in the colors, which I thought were pretty cool and actually considered leaving abstract.

I had recently seen a photograph of a cemetery at Asbury Theological Seminary in Wilmore, Kentucky where Jim went to seminary.

 

 



So I decided to turn my abstract colors into a representation of the above photograph. Voila!

 



 

8 x 10 oil with palette knife on canvas board.

 

 Please email me at bethlendermanfineart@gmail.com if interested in purchasing this painting.

UNBLOCK

I am making my way through Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way and part of what she addresses is how creative people can become blocked.

Let me be clear.

When I say creative people, I am talking to every one of you who are still reading this.

We are made in the image of the One who created everything. All came into being because it was created by Him. If creativity is so essential to who He is and we are created in His image, then we (all of us) are creative.

And all of us can become blocked, which may be one reason you don't think you're creative.

Through reading this book I'm discovering just how blocked I have been, but I'm learning ways to overcome that.

Part of overcoming that entails "filling the form," which is "taking the next small step instead of skipping ahead to a large one for which you may not yet be prepared."

Many of us have very creative ideas.....we want to be artists, writers, all kinds of creators, but one thing we do is look at the larger picture and don't think about the steps it takes to get there.

The painting above is not actually finished. Well, it is in that it's too dry to move the paint around, but it didn't come to completion as I had hoped it would. However, I will learn from the process of painting and I discovered some really incredible color combinations. But what I have been trying to force myself to do is paint some....just a little....every day. Obviously, I missed a few days with the one above and it stopped at that interesting piece instead of moving in another direction.

MY POINT.....

Do what you feel you're being pulled or called to do. Don't do it only if it can become something monumental. But work on it a little every day. If you want to be a writer, know that you must write a little every day before you write enough that you put it all together to become that published book, highly subscribed blog, or sold screenplay. If God has put something else on your heart and you feel you cannot do it in its entirety as you originally envisioned it, He can still use that idea on a smaller scale until His time is right for it to become that goal He originally placed on your heart.

As Cameron says, "What can you do, right now, in your life as it is currently constituted? Do that thing......Make changes, small changes, right where you are. Fill this form with creative care until it overflows into a new, larger form -- organically."

These words of hers have given me an action plan and some hope on the journey to becoming more creative. I hope they have been a blessing to you as well.

It's in the details

Last bit of painting needed before this commissioned piece goes to its new owner. I paint the sides of all my stretched canvas paintings so there's no need to buy a frame. Once the piece is delivered to you, it's ready to hang!

Remember, I do commissioned work. If you are interested in commissioning a painting, I would love to work with you. Please email me at bethlendermanfineart@gmail.com.

The transformation into a cultural convention...

 

Cultural Convention

oil on canvas with palette knife

12 x 16

$250.00



I will explain my reference in the title line in a moment....

This is another painting that I began as purely strokes of color across a blank canvas in no apparent order. I didn't even worry about any composition of light to dark but just placed paint on the cloth with my knife.

Photo one looks like nothing. I mean NOTHING. But then I began to move the paint around some, add a little here, a little there and came up with photo two, which still kinda looks like nothing. I spun it around many times. I take pictures with my phone so that when I'm away from my art I can still look at it and visualize. Photo two kinda began to look like something in my mind.

In photo three, the object is beginning to take shape and by photo four, you can see that it is a TEAPOT which holds tea. According to Sheldon Cooper, my favorite character in the TV show Big Bang Theory, when someone is upset the cultural convention is to bring them a hot beverage, such as tea.

And there you have the title of this post and piece of art :)

Perfection

Sunset at DeGray

 

Oil on canvas applied with palette knife

24 x 30

$700

Do you ever struggle with perfectionism? I struggled with it a lot when I was younger. I am letting go of some of that as I mature. But it's definitely a trap I can get caught in if I don't watch out.

I was reading The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron recently and she had some pretty interesting things to say about perfectionism:

"Perfectionism is a refusal to let yourself move ahead. It is a loop - an obsessive, debilitating closed system that causes you to get stuck in the details....and to lose sight of the whole."

"Instead of enjoying the process, the perfectionist is constantly grading the results."

"To the perfectionist, there is always room for improvement. The perfectionist calls this humility. In reality, it is egotism." And she even goes on to say it's pride that makes us want to do things perfectly.

"Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough -- that we should try again."

These words hit me square between the eyes. I think so many times I am afraid to try something or afraid to finish something for fear it won't turn out perfectly. And I'm probably missing many great experiences in the process.

Do you ever struggle with perfectionism? If so, I hope these words can be of some help to you too.

Larger Razorback

Worked on this commissioned piece all day yesterday. Still has some work to be done but it's coming along nicely. It's very similar to an original I created. The customer who commissioned this piece liked the original but wanted it larger. This one is 20x24.

I would love to paint a commissioned piece of art for you. Please contact me at bethlendermanfineart@gmail.com for more information.

The Genesis of Wine

This is one of those paintings that I started by just applying different colors to the canvas in no particular fashion. I could kick myself for not taking photos along the way because the finished product here in no way looks like the beginning.

As I began pulling the paint across the canvas with my knife, NOTHING was showing up to me. I kept pulling, adding paint, looking for something to appear. I began mixing, got frustrated, mixed more, until all the paint was mixed together into an ugly purplish brown color. I completely scraped the canvas and found stains of color underneath. I reapplied those colors that were underneath the brown. I turned the canvas over and over and over and finally found this....

The Genesis of Wine. Oil on canvas with palette knife. 11x14.

FIREWEED -- FINISHED!

The completed painting. So pleased with how it turned out. Going to its proud owner this weekend!

Fireweed progression.....adding the FIREWEED

Bringing in the Fireweed, the beautiful brightly colored wildflower that grows in the Northern Hemisphere. The name Fireweed comes from the plants' proliferation on burnt sites after forest fires.

I initially put in a background of Alizarin Crimson with splashes of Light Magenta on top to bring out the vibrant pink of the wildflower, with pieces of Cadmium Yellow Light splashed in for the stigma.

Just about finished!

"Walk into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They don't fuss with their appearance - but have you ever seen color and design quite like it.....If God gives such attention to the wildflowers, most of them never even seen, don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you?"
Luke 12:27-28 The Message

Fireweed progression....adding the grass

Beginning to add the grass, paying careful attention to creating depth with light and dark. The actual Fireweed flower comes in next. Keep watching!

Fireweed progression continued....

The trees are starting to come to life! They are painted with a background of white, and then I dabbed my knife in burnt umber and pulled across the white to make the appearance of bark. I actually turned the painting on its side and pulled horizontally rather than vertically. Was easier for me to pull that way.

Watch for more progress!!

"Do not dare not to dare." The Horse and His Boy by C.S. Lewis

Fireweed progression

Pulling in the evergreens in the background. Highlighting those that are near the top where they would receive more sunlight. Also highlighted a few here in there in the lower background to show varying depths to the forest behind the trees.

Fireweed on a larger scale....

Working on a commissioned painting....a larger painting of a painting I created before. This is a 24x36 painting of Fireweed. I spent today creating the background. Will start to pull more color in tomorrow on the bark of the trees, the evergreens in the background, and the fireweed will start to come alive in the foreground.

If you are interested in a commissioned painting, please contact me at bethlendermanfineart@gmail.com. Thank you!

Psalm 127:2

Just as the day is ending in this painting, so is my day ending.

I am bad about not getting enough rest. I get up early. Work all day. Come home and tend to home and family. Try to spend time painting. Spend time with family. Do the laundry. Pay the bills. The list goes on and on, just like your list goes on and on.

This is my life every day, and I'm sure your life is pretty much the same. We all struggle with so many things to do and little time for rest for our weary souls.

I recently read a Bible verse a friend of mine posted on Facebook that really spoke to me regarding this:

"It is vain for you to rise up early, to take rest late, to eat the bread of (anxious) toil -- for He gives (blessings) to His beloved in sleep." Psalm 127:2 Amplified

Wow. Kinda makes you want to sleep a little more, doesn't it?

Here's to rest and blessings in Him. Good night!

A tweet by Donald Miller....

One of my favorite authors, Donald Miller, recently tweeted:

"By writing, you are saying to God 'I agree with you, you gave me a voice and the gift was not in vain.'"

I love what this says. By painting, I am saying to God "I agree with you, you gave me the ability to paint and your gift was not in vain."

God has blessed all of us with various gifts. Do you know what yours is? If you do, insert it where the word "writing" is. If you don't, then pray and seek and do what you can to discover it because He has definitely blessed YOU with something special.

RAZORBACK

If you know me at all, you know I am an avid RAZORBACK fan. And if you know that about me, then you know I am still recovering from the horrible loss to the Alabama Crimson Tide yesterday.

As I was sorting through my emotions about that game and what I feel like it means to be a true fan, I decided to let all that passion for the team, the school, the tradition to show up as paint on canvas. I threw in with that passion for the HOGS my love of color and voila....I created one intense razorback.

GO HOGS!!!

Visual Language

I am featured in the October issue of Visual Language, the online magazine of Contemporary Fine Art International, under DailyPaintersofArkansas.blogspot.com on pages 40 and 47. Check out this link!

http://issuu.com/cfai.co/docs/vlvol1no82012?mode=window&backgroundColor=%23222222

FLAME

The other night I decided I wanted to work with primary colors only, with a white background. So I took some red and made two downward strokes. Then I brought yellow to the canvas. Swooshed it down then trailed it out sideways. There was a lonely spot underneath the yellow, so I added a splash of blue. I liked the way it looked....kinda abstract.

Then I rotated it left............

....and saw an oil lamp with flame. A light.

"I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life." John 8:12 NAS

BEACH

The Beach. Knife painting of oil on stretched canvas 24 x 30. This painting is for sale. Contact me at bethlendermanfineart@gmail.com

The Expanse

"And God said, 'Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water.' So God made the expanse and separated the water under the expanse from the water above it. And it was so. God called the expanse 'sky.'" - Genesis 1:6-8a

My youngest asked me tonight if I was doing a series on Creation. Actually, that is not my intent. What I'm trying to do is figure out how does one create. Where do you start? And when I ask myself those questions, I can't help but look at the One who created everything for inspiration. On the second day, He separated the waters and created the sky. So this is how I imagine it looks. In my mind it has light. The light separates the waters of the sea from the waters of the air.

Do you create? If you don't, you should. God has put creativity in all our hearts. The first thing we ever read about God doing in the Bible is creating. It's the very first sentence. And if we are made in His image, then I'm pretty sure He has put creativity in all of us. YOU CAN CREATE. You may not be an artist, but you may be a writer, a composer, a gardener, a chef, a builder, a scrapbooker, a designer, or anything else you can imagine. You name it. God has placed something inside you to create.

I pray for you that you will find what He has truly created you to do!

Last night in my reading of The Artist's Way, I read these words:

" Growth is erratic forward movement: two steps forward, one step back......Growth occurs in spurts. You will lie dormant sometimes. Do not be discouraged. Think of it as resting."

Would love to hear your thoughts on this one. Please either respond on my blog (and I have heard from some of you that you can't respond on my blog here) or respond on my Facebook artist page. If you don't "like" my Facebook page yet, you can "like" it by searching Beth Lenderman on Facebook and then liking the search that comes up Artist.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

Fireweed

Thinking today about creation and how creation has order. Thinking about background and foreground. And always thinking about COLOR! This is a representation of a photo of Fireweed at a national park in Alaska.

CREATE!

Tonight, I tried something a little different with my painting.

I've been drawn to what my mentor Laurie Justus Pace says...."Learn through imitation but grow through the Spirit inside you." When she says "Spirit," she is referring to the Spirit of God. I took what she has told me and combined it with some of my reading of The Artist's Way. One principle of that book states "Creativity is God's gift to us. Using our creativity is our gift back to God."

I was thinking about all this creativity and what does God want me to do with my art, when I thought, since He is the Great Creator, how about I look at how He goes about creating...how He created the world.

So a few days ago I read  Genesis 1 to see how God got started with all His creativity:

       In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and
       empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over
       the waters. And God said, "Let there be light."

And there it was. I decided to start a creation of a painting thinking about the way God started the creation of the world....the darkness, formless and empty, so dark, so deep....and then LIGHT.

So I created in my mind what the beginning, God's creation, would look like. And in doing so, maybe I have discovered how God wants me to create. Out of nothing.....CREATE!

This is a painting of Old Main, the original building on the University of Arkansas campus in Fayetteville, Arkansas. I took many photos of the campus this past summer when I took my oldest son to orientation for his freshman year. I then used knife on canvas to create this oil painting of one of the photos I took of Old Main.

Old Main is dear to me because it's at the University of Arkansas. And even though I didn't graduate from there, I still think of this university as my alma mater. I grew up in Arkansas and attended the university two years before I married and moved away. It is the home of the Arkansas Razorbacks, my favorite sports team! Now it is the home of my oldest son, who I just helped move up there this past Wednesday. Many emotions:  I'm proud of him but I miss him like crazy.

I'm looking forward to him singing the alma mater at football games this fall..."Mother of Mothers we sing unto you".....and pointing toward this wonderful building.

GO HOGS!!

Stopping for a few days to take my oldest child off to college. Finished the palm trees. Love the way this is going.

Began this painting at a knife painting workshop this weekend with Laurie Justus Pace. Great seeing her again! Also met and worked beside (and picked her brain) professional fine artist Sheri Jones who is also an amazing knife painter.

When I first started this painting I had huge pieces of paint applied with my knife....almost an abstract look with cubes of paint in sections. I have since begun to rework the paint, especially in the sky and sand. Still not sure if my beach is finished. The last thing I worked on today is the trunks of the palm trees which I LOVE! I loaded the side of my knife with Brown Pink and dragged it across Titanium White to create the look of bark. LOVE THE KNIFE!

Can't wait to see how this painting turns out!

GRACE....REVISITED

(Above is a painting I created for one of my sisters. She had taken a photo of a calf on her farm. I painted this from her photo and had a little fun with the calf's coloring.)

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a blog about GRACE in a construction zone. I guess I sort of unofficially challenged you to try to extend grace to others. I'm wondering how that's going for you?

Today I was driving home in traffic in that same construction zone. I am proud to say that I let not one, not two, not three, not four but FIVE people in line ahead of me....the people who sped ahead of all the others in line behind me to beat them out to get a primo spot at the head of the line. (I should mention that I also came that way a few days ago and let two people in ahead of me.) I'm not telling you that I've done this to toot my own horn; rather, to be accountable and do something that I know God was asking me to do.

Anyway, I found it interesting that as I let in two people at once, the guy behind me blared on his horn. Now, maybe he was just honking to the tune of a song or honking at some friends, or maybe he was irritated that I was letting two people cut. I'm not sure. But it occurred to me....if he was irritated at my offer of grace, isn't that just like us? We might see others or even God extending grace to someone who we deem inappropriate to receive it and we blare on our horn and get irritated. I have been that guy behind me who blared on the horn. Well, maybe I didn't blare my horn but I sure have wanted to at people who were "undeserving" of grace.

And then I also noticed that one of the people I let in front of me actually pulled halfway over so that their car was taking up a little bit of both lanes making it impossible for anyone to pass. So although this person was offered grace, they did not want to extend it to others.

Sad to say, I have been that person too.

Anyway, I would love to hear your comments on this if any of you tried to extend some grace. You can post them on here or email me at bethlendermanfineart@gmail.com.

In the meantime....."Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ." 2 Corinthians 1:2 NAS

As I began to get back into my art, my creativity, I spent a couple of days with a famous contemporary artist who urged me to trust myself, trust my work. What a difficult thing to do. But it’s something I am working on. She urged me to trust God and what He is doing in me through my art.

What a concept.

That’s not always easy in something as simple as art, and not easy at all in something as complex as life. But in some ways I feel like I am learning to trust Him more since I have delved back into my art. Maybe it’s because I’ve felt Him pulling me back to painting over and over again as I look back across the events of my life. Seems like recently things have fallen into place for it to finally happen. However, things have also happened since I’ve started earnestly pursuing my art to make it even more difficult to occur.

 Which makes me want to fight for it even more.

"God, I will take care of the quantity. You take care of the quality."   Paraphrase of The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron

Perspective

Perspective can be defined as “a visible scene” or “the state of one's ideas, the facts known to one, etc., in having a meaningful interrelationship.”

I enjoy painting objects from a different perspective. I might see an animal, such as the Siamese cat in the painting above, and focus on the part of that animal that intrigues me...such as the incredible blue eyes.  I like the idea of of focusing on one part of a subject, such as the eyes above, drawing attention to that part and in some way, discovering that subject again for the first time. I find it interesting to see objects from different angles and even take a different point of view from how others see it.

Sometimes I need to apply this to other areas of my life, especially when dealing with people. To truly understand someone, you must try to understand things from their perspective...see things from their point of view. In doing so, maybe you can discover something beautiful about them too.

GRACE....in a construction zone?

I have toyed with writing about this subject for a while, mainly because I don’t want to do what I feel I’m being asked to do.

I have many pet peeves. One of those pet peeves is how some folks behave in traffic….particularly the folks who think where they have to go is way more important than where I have to go.

A few days a week on my way to/from one of the places I work, I go through a construction zone. This zone has been in place at least all summer. There are signs up quite a ways before you even get close to the construction zone. This is normally a three-lane expressway that is cut down to one lane. If you have a job that takes you into/out of the city, then you take this road, and you KNOW about this construction zone.

Yet some folks speed past all the rest of us who have dutifully pulled over into the one lane that will remain open, and these folks drive up as close as they can to the actual construction site, and then expect those of us who have been obediently and patiently waiting to let them in.

Huh-uh, bud. NOT. A. CHANCE.

This truly irritates me. Why should I let them in? How is their life so much more important than mine? Where do they have to go that is more important than where I have to go?

They don’t deserve to cut in. They don’t deserve…..GRACE.

God convicted me of this. “Have some grace, Beth. I offer it to you…abundantly.”

Ouch.

What is GRACE? It’s getting something (good) we don’t deserve. And God gives me plenty of that.

So…..I’m not saying that the next time I’m in that long construction zone line waiting my turn and someone starts pulling over into my lane at the last moment trying to get in that I will let them in. I want to try it, though, at least once. Then maybe more.

After all, God never withholds His grace from me….THANK GOD!

“From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another.”  John 1:16 NIV

Finding My Niche

Finding My Niche

When I first began to seriously pick up my oil paint (and this time a palette knife instead of a brush) I looked for inspiration and discovered an artist whose work I love. I have personally worked with this amazing artist and she started me on a process of learning to trust myself and my creativity. She asked me to initially place colors on a canvas and then determine if those colors could stand alone as an abstract or if I could create something from the colors. This was a new and exciting experience for me!

She is also encouraging me to find my niche. I looked up "niche." There are many definitions for "niche" according to Bing:

suitable place for somebody: a position or activity that particularly suits somebody's talents and personality or that somebody can make his or her own

specialized market: an area of the market specializing in one type of product or service

place in nature: the role of an organism within its natural environment that determines its relations with other organisms and ensures its survival

Although I am looking for my niche in art -- what I'm drawn to, what flows out of me creatively and naturally, what is a reflection of my creativity/myself that I'm going to share with others -- I can't help but think about what is my niche in life.

Have you ever thought about that? About your suitable activity? Something that suits your talents? Your place in nature? If you know it, that's great and I'm a little jealous. If you don't, do you want to find it?

It's a prayer I'm praying every day.

"The Spirit of God......puts a little of heaven in our hearts so that we'll never settle for less."
 2 Corinthians 5:4-5 (paraphrased) The Message

Beautiful things

The other morning as I began painting, my iPod started playing the song “Beautiful Things” by Gungor. I couldn’t help but smile as I thought about the parody my 18 year old son did for his art class final on youtube. The original song begins with the lyrics “All this pain, I wonder if I’ll ever find my way.” However, for my son’s art final, he began the song, “All this PAINT, I wonder if I’ll ever find my way.” Oh, how I can relate!

I set aside this day as a day to find my way through my art. These days are precious to me because they are so rare. I opened myself up to the Holy Spirit asking Him to guide my hands and my thoughts and create art out of colors, imagination, hand movement, and canvas.

·        

"For God is sheer beauty, all-generous in love, loyal always and ever."  Psalm 100:5  The Message

As I begin this journey of sharing myself, my art, and my creativity with others, I struggle with the knowledge that I am an introvert at heart and in some ways I feel as though I’m exposing my very soul for all to see and accept...or reject.

 I saw this posted once and I can completely relate.



You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb.
Psalm 139:13 New Living Translation